Pre-baby vs Post-baby Life…Sh*t just got real


Pre-baby Hair: I have my highlight and color appointment booked 6 months in advance. Nothing gets between me and this perfectly coifed mane

Post-baby Hair: No that’s not mousse that’s spit-up….from yesterday

Pre-baby bathing: I think I’m going to take a bath and read a book while sipping some wine
Post-baby bathing: Includes either showering with the monitor next to the shower or with said baby in bassinet outside of shower. Peek-a-boo with the shower curtain is a must. Damn it I forgot to shave an entire leg.

Pre-baby Saturday Nights: My heels and I are getting drinks at last call while contemplating what’s next on agenda!
Post-baby Saturday night: My slippers and I are up making a bottle. What’s next on the agenda? A 3am Feeding…..

Pre-baby Drinking: Shots!Shots!Shots!
Post-baby Drinking: The only thing I’m binging on is Netflix marathons. How many episodes of House of Cards can I watch before the baby wakes up again?

Pre-baby accessorizing: My whole outfit is perfectly accessorized from my Jack Rogers to my Lilly croakies
Post-baby accessorizing: What can I wear with my Baby Bjorn without dying from a heat stroke

Pre-baby working out: I have to train every day for that half marathon this fall!
Post-baby working out: I’ve been up since 3am when this kid goes down for a nap I’m running straight to bed

Pre-baby TV line-up: I’m up on the latest world news and have Orange is the New black and True Blood recording as we speak
Post-baby TV line-up: I can’t get that damn “Hot Diggity Dog” song out of my head from Mickey Mouse club house marathon this morning

Pre-baby restaurant problems: You get upset when a crying baby is interrupting happy hour before your enjoy your dinner
Post-baby restaurant problems: You can’t believe it when the restaurant you’re at does not have car seat slings

Pre-baby Parties: Cocktail parties in that little black dress you bought yesterday. All that running is paying off!
Post-baby Parties: You’re invited to every kid’s birthday party from here to kingdom come. It’s funny when someone announces they smell poop and every mother at the party grabs their child for the “sniff and peek test”

Pre-baby Pinterest pins: You pin everything you can find on beauty, hair, workouts and cute appetizers for your next cocktail party!
Post-baby Pinterest pins: Search all of Pinterest for any information on how to get your kid to sleep through the night….and really we wont limit it to Pinterest or blogs. You’ve already researched the internet in entirety.

Pre-baby Life: Perfection is key from your west elm apartment to your perfectly manicured nails
Post-baby Life: You realize there isn’t enough time in the day to do everything. So you can’t sweat the small stuff because there is literally not enough time in the day to worry about everything. And though there are a lot of stressors that come with family life there are also a lot more sweet moments. Enjoy each and every day because they grow up so fast!


Is Sophie la Giraffe worth all your Euro?

We’re talking Sophie la Giraffe…..


Not Sophie la pup (our fur baby)…


Oh sophie with your big doe eyes and rosy pink cheeks are you really worth 20+ bucks?
Sophie has been soothing sore gums since 1961! She is made of natural rubber from the sap of a Hevea tree so she is BPA and phthalate free. Her spots and characteristic smiling face are painted with food paint so she is safe for your little one to nom on. Sophie the giraffe’s black eyes and soft brown spots are supposedly visually stimulating and her long neck and legs are easy for your baby to hold onto to.
Her beginnings started in Europe however she is making more of an appearance stateside thanks to celebrities’ children rocking gums out with Sophie the giraffe in tow. Sophie is so tre chic when compared to her gaudy, brightly colored counterparts.
We found Sophie at Sam’s club of all places right next to the bulk diapers and a Similac formula container that is so big it won’t fit on my pantry shelf. She doesn’t seem so chic on the shelves of a bulk store but the price was right.

My husband was skeptical of Sophie because lord we have 10 other teething toys our dogs are more interested in than Mason. We assume we are on the verge of teething at almost 5 months old with the constant stream of drool, unreasonable crankiness, and of course the chewing and sucking on anything he can get his slimy drool covered hands on. So we decided to give Sophie a try. Honestly, she was a hit from the moment he saw her and it’s been a love affair ever since. He recognizes her immediately now and he has no problem manipulating her from hand to hand and obviously from hand to mouth. He will stick any available giraffe limb (or her head) in his mouth and chew away to his hearts content.
My only qualm (other than the price) with Sophie is that she has a squeaker. My dogs find that Sophie’s soft malleable body is also appealing to chew on and the fact she has a squeaker is a bonus for them. I’m constantly catching them trying to drag poor Sophie off tables because they cant resist getting their furry paws all over her.

In conclusion, my personal experience with Sophie has been a good one. She is pricey considering she is a dang teether but 20 bucks is a small price to pay when it comes to the terrors of teething. This little mademoiselle is staying.



Strawberry Cream Cheese Cobbler

Did I mention I like cream cheese? Man, two cream cheese related posts in one day. I want to end this fabulous first Father’s Day with strawberry cream cheese cobbler! Check out your local strawberry farms for cheap strawberries by the quart! Don’t forget to top this dessert with vanilla bean ice cream to send you to pure cream cheese bliss.

1 stick of butter (1/2 cup)
1 egg, lightly beaten
1 cup of milk
1 cup all-purpose flour
1 cup sugar
2 teaspoons of baking powder
1/2 teaspoon of salt
2 quarts of strawberries
4 oz of cream cheese

Preheat oven to 350. Melt butter and pour into a 9X13 inch pyrex dish.
In a small bowl mix together first 7 ingredients. Pour directly over butter but DO NOT stir
Add strawberries arranging in a single layer. Spring cream cheese over strawberries
Bake 45 minutes or until top is golden brown and edges are bubbling
Top with ice cream and welcome to heaven my friends




Sausage brownies

Happy Father’s Day to all those awesome daddies out there! Nothing says I love you like bulk sausage. These “brownies” are a favorite of my husbands and he requested them for his first Father’s Day breakfast. Who can say no to a layer of cheesy, creamy sausage mixture sandwiched between a golden crescent roll crust. My rule of thumb with cooking is that if the recipe include cream cheese its a keeper. These little buggers are to die for and to top it off are SUPER easy to make. There are only FOUR ingredients and you’ll be in hog heaven in less than an hour. Now the recipe says that it can serve 32 and I seriously just laughed out loud. I could probably eat a pan myself those silly fools.

Now these sausage squares are not necessarily a healthy food item but it’s Father’s Day so make a batch and watch your favorite dad gobble them down!


Sausage “Brownies”

2 cans of crescent seamless dough sheets

1 lb of spicy or mild bulk pork sausage

1 package (8 oz) cream cheese

1 to 2 cups of shredded sharp cheddar cheese ( I dont use quite the whole 2 cups)

Step 1: Heat oven to 375 degrees

Step 2: Unroll 1 can of dough and place in ungreased 13X9-inch pyrex dish; press over bottom and 1/2 inch up sides to form crust.

Step 3: Cook sausage over medium heat in skillet until no longer pink. Discard drippings and add cream cheese to skillet. Cook over low heat until melted. Spoon evenly over crust in baking dish and sprinkle with cheese.

Step 4:Unroll second can of dough on top of casserole

Step 5: Bake 21 to 26 minutes or until golden brown. Cool 10-15 minutes and nom on daddio!




Dude’s…Embrace for Impact!

imageFor a somewhat semi-formal introduction, I am Zach, Emily’s husband…and for a brief moment or two I will be hijacking her blog to throw in a male’s perspective on the subject of child rearing and well,…..drinking. So ladies, hand over the computer or iPad to your man. Men, pour yourself an Old Fashion and enjoy!

This all started about 4 months into my deployment to Afghanistan where my wife and I agreed that we wanted something more out of life, something greater than our own self worth…a child. Through Skype and Facebook messages here and there (when the internet decided to work) we started picking names and sure as shit, as an omen, the first name we picked was the one we stuck with. We could not find a better name for the remainder of my deployment…no matter how hard we tried. Mason it was!

Fast forward 6 months and BOOM! Reality hits! I am now home, and the wife has a bun in the oven. I hit all the baby books I can find. If you ask me anything about how to fix and/or operate an Army helicopter, weapons, cars or woodworking I can help….screaming, peeing, pooping things that cannot communicate but decide to throw up all over your favorite shirt…not my forte. Men, hit the books. Learn what stages of pregnancy your wife is in and what she is expected to go through, trust me it will help ten fold. Also, being a man, learn to deal with being on the outside. I went to almost every baby appointment with my wife and the majority of the conversation and questions were directed to my wife, and little, if any, toward myself. Granted, I am not the one carrying a human in my gut, however, I still have a vested interest in my son and wife. Books like: The New Dads Survival Guide, by Scott Mactavish, Dude, You’re Gonna Be a Dad: by John Pheiffer, and What to Expect When Your Wife Is Expecting: by Thomas Hill will help one gain a better insight to the emotions and physical changes your loved on will be going through in the following months. Arming myself with all of the learned knowledge I have gained through the books, I begin to actively engage myself in the pregnancy. I talk to the baby at night through my wife’s bulging yet beautiful belly ūüėČ (Lets be brutally honost people….It’s not thaaaat beautiful, but it helps connect). I help pick out infant clothes and register for random gifts from friends and family for the baby shower. Now guys, I don’t know about you but I truly did not connect with all of this so I decided to do something that I knew would…I built a crib. That’s right, I built a damn crib. Have I ever built anything out of wood before?…HELL NO! But I am real big into tradition and family heirlooms and felt that this was the only way I could contribute to the connection of my child, of which I could not feel kick or move or hiccup (the baby never moved when I put my hand on her belly). The wife had reservations when I said I wanted to build a crib, and I don’t blame her, but being her awesome self and understanding that I needed this, she agreed, She also allowed me to have a large say into how the nursery was made. I think this was the nesting thing coming out from within…. Pictures of my project to follow:




Now fella’s make sure you drink plenty of cool beer on those hot days building this stuff in the garage and think about how much your hard work will be admired by others. (Disclaimer: don’t drink and operate power tools…bad things will most likely happen).
As the pregnancy progresses you, as a man, will begin to make midnight runs for random and odd food choices made by your wife. You will also be buying things that you will learn to hate. Let me tell you about a hellish product that Boppie makes called the Boppie “body pillow”. We own a queen size bed and we bought one of these due to her being uncomfortable at night. This thing takes up the complete space between you and her, so although she feels she is sleeping on her side…she isn’t. She is balls deep on your side and hogging all the sheets making everything on your side hot. But that’s OK because she has a little human alien thing growing in her and if that stupid body pillow helps her sleep at night, well, so be it. Trust me, you do not want to complain about how uncomfortable this stupid pillow makes things for you at night or how it effects your sleep….learn which battles are worth fighting. (This one is not it gents!)

Well life surely has change including no more heavy drinking, no more late nights, and no more going where you please without a thorough plan based upon when the baby last ate, slept, and for lack of better words….pooped his brains out!




Savannah Fizz

It is our first Saturday night since the creation of Bottlefedblog.com and it’s time to celebrate! Time for some “sweet tea” sippin’ and some front porch rockin’.

On this beautiful night I bring you the Savannah Fizz. This sweet, berry “sweet tea” drink is refreshing, delicious, and dangerous. You can not taste a lick of alcohol which may bring out the wild side of any momma after a few glasses of this sweet berry concoction. My wonderful husband did the heavy lifting and made this delicious and beautiful drink for us to enjoy!

Sit back, relax, and pour yourself something sweet and smooth!

“Bottles just aren’t for babies”


Savannah Fizz

1.5 oz sweet tea vodka (such as firefly)

2 Blackberries

4 Mint leaves

1.5 oz simple syrup


Muddle blackberries, mint and simple syrup in cocktail tin. Add sweet tea vodka and shake with ice. Double strain into glass and top with champagne and ice as desired

If you can’t find simple syrup the recipe is as follows:

Place 1 cup of water and 1 cup of sugar in small pot and cook on medium heat stirring often until sugar is dissolved. Let mixture cool and place in sealed bottle or container. Syrup will last a few weeks!




My dirty little secret

imageOnce my husband had returned from deployment we were not “not trying” to get pregnant. We were both in our late twenties and had been married for three years and most of our friends were either pregnant or trying to get pregnant. Just a few weeks after zach’s return from Afghanistan we found out we were pregnant. I was elated at first.

But here is my secret…after the novelty of pregnancy wore off I had some major reservations and apprehension about having a baby. What the hell did we know about babies? Not a damn thing. I never even babysat! Zach had just returned from a 9 month deployment and we were still trying to get aquainted¬†after a long, hard deployment. The extent of my baby knowledge stemmed from what I learned in physcial therapy school. So I could tell you by what month does baby walk, crawl, roll and all the gross motor milestones but ask me to change a diaper or make a bottle?! Everyone kept telling me, “your mommy instinct will just kick in”. But what if it didn’t?!

You do not need to hang out with me long to know that I am as laid back as it comes. This laid back “type B” personality is a blessing and a curse. Not much ruffles my feathers but my laid back personality usually results in procrastination and passiveness. I had enough difficulty keeping up with my own appointments and responsibilities, how was I supposed to be a primary caregiver to something so fragile and helpless.

Another apprehension was losing control of my body and body image. I had worked three long years to lose over 50 pounds. I was finally at a place were I felt pretty again. I knew that stretch marks, excess weight, and hormonal changes were a likely possibility in my near future. And as vain as it sounds it was truth.

This was my secret. Behind the smiles and words of excitement I was utterly terrified. No one wanted to hear that. If I would bring up any apprehension most people would either ignore or dismiss my reservations. Was I ready to give up most of my social life? Was I ready for sleepless nights? And what about my career and work life? Would the stress of a baby affect my marriage?

So speed up the clock and Mason is here. I am still utterly terrified but there is something different as well. I have never felt so much love in my life. I would look at Mason and I could feel my heart swell. I have never felt such a pull to protect and love something so much in my life. I found myself ¬†watching him sleep in utter disblief that he is mine and how how perfect he is.¬†I was so completely exhausted from labor but I did not want to miss one sweet breath from my little one.¬†And the strange thing I feel like I’ve been waiting for him my whole life. Like fate had been preparing me for the moment of becoming his mom. All the pieces fell into place just like everyone had said they would. I still didn’t know how to change a diaper or how to breastfeed or make a bottle but as a family we would figure it out. Mason would look at me with his big brown eyes and know that I would love him forever and we’d be okay.

Life is different know. My bedtime is usually closer to 8:30pm rather than 1:30am. I find more enjoyment buying baby clothes than buying dresses, shoes, and purses for myself. My saturday nights consist of Mason’s bath at 5 followed by bedtime stories, kisses goodnight, and watching some red box movie with Zach while I sip on some wine before I pass out. My priorities have changed and where I used to be #1 someone more special and deserving has taken my place. Things have not changed in that fact as I’m still learning as I go but I’m not scared anymore. I know that God has blessed me with privelage of being Mason’s mom. I might not know it all but I know what matters most and he calls me mom.